Aragorn's Birthday
by jewelledhunter
Summary: The three hobbits, Faramir, Eowyn, and Legolas have united to put on a play for Aragorn's birthday:The Lay of Beren and Luthien. Just who is Luthien? And Beren? And why are they threatening to kill Faramir?


AN: Don't own LOTR. This was written because I was tired of writing my character all in character, so I had to have some outlet. I felt like bullying some characters...So...in school I wrote this. Enjoy, if you can. This is a story broken into three parts, but is the length of a oneshot.

Legolas watched the clouds drift across the sky of Ithilien. Suddenly, a servant came into his room.

"Prince Legolas, the Lord Faramir requests your presence," the servant gave Legolas a scroll. Legolas smiled at the servant, who left. Legolas opened the scroll.

_Prince Legolas: _

_Faramir, Steward of Gondor, requests your presence at an informal meeting today at seven o'clock. Thank you._

_Faramir_

Legolas shrugged. "I'll go."

* * *

Legolas sat in one of the chairs. Gimli, Faramir, Pippin, Merry, and Eowyn were all there.

"Well, all have come," Faramir stood up, looking pleased. "As you all know, it is going to be King Elessar's birthday soon." Legolas nodded. It was a year after the end of the War of the Ring and Aragorn's birthday was in a month.

"I was thinking, what shall we do for his birthday?" Faramir asked.

"What are you talking about? Won't he give us presents?" Pippin asked, his eyes wide with curiosity. Faramir sighed.

"No, Peregrin," Faramir said. "Unlike in the Shire, the birthday person must be given presents."

"Given?"

"Pippin, you're clueless," Eowyn said matter-of-factly. "You have served the Lord Faramir and King Elessar for a year and you still do not know this?" Pippin was still confused.

"Well, we can always have a play," Faramir ventured.

"A play!" Merry stood up in excitement. "We can do a play about how Pippin and I kidnapped the Mayor of the Shire!" Everyone grew silent, except for Pippin.

"Excellent! We can get Gimli to be the Mayor! He's also fat!"

"WHAT?" Gimli yelled. Legolas sniggered.

"We can do a play about Luthien and Beren. Queen Arwen told me King Elessar enjoys that play," Eowyn offered. Everyone nodded in agreement, except Gimli who was still muttering about "stupid Halflings" and Merry and Pippin, both wearing comical crestfallen looks.

"Why not? Why not do something about the Mayor's kidnapping? Let me tell you, it caused an uprising throughout the Shire!" Merry burst out.

"Master Holdwine, I believe that it would not be appropriate," Lady Eowyn said gently. Merry pouted.

"All right! It's settled then! I will be the director, Gimli will be prop master, Eowyn will be Luthien, and Legolas will be Beren!"

"WHAT?" Eowyn and Legolas shouted at the same time. Pippin and Merry also started yelling.

"What are we going to do?" they shouted at the same time.

"I am not going to be Beren! I don't want to act!" Legolas said loudly. Eowyn looked like she couldn't have said it better.

"Legolas, you look much more like a dashing hero than a beaten-up Steward," Faramir raised his hands in resignation. "My days are behind me now." Legolas rolled his eyes.

"Faramir, you're only thirty!" Legolas protested. (AN: I don't have LOTR with me, so don't flame me if I get the age off.)

"Who looks younger, me or Legolas?" Faramir asked Gimli.

"I must admit, the Elf looks younger," Legolas looked indignant.

"Who's writing the script?" Eowyn yelled over the commotion.

"ME! ME! ME!" Merry yelled.

"NO! ME!" Pippin shouted.

"Not you two Halflings!" Gimli got up, his axe raised threateningly. Both fell silent. Very silent.

"I will be writing the script," Faramir said in a very low voice. Eowyn looked a little comforted, but Legolas was not.

"You aren't going to make it too romantic?" Legolas asked in a low urgent voice. He was nearly bordering on desperation. No one was going to make him kiss the former Shieldmaiden of Rohan. "Because my bow and arrows are just right next door!"

"Nah, mostly just focus on how they fought against Morgoth," Faramir grinned.

"What about us?" Pippin and Merry shouted.

"You two are the dog," they both stood up and cheered. Pippin suddenly frowned.

"A dog? Or two dogs?"

"One dog. Merry controls the head and Pippin controls the legs."

"No way! I want my own dog costume!" Merry screamed. Gimli rubbed his hands together gleefully.

"The Halflings get their just deserts!" Gimli whispered evilly. "And just to think I'm the prop master!"

"Wait, Beren had brown hair and brown eyes. Legolas' eyes and hair don't match." Pippin pointed out.

"And Luthien had blue eyes and black hair," Merry added.

"We can always dye their hair," Pippin cheerfully piped up. An awkward silence….

"And throw paint into their eyes!" Merry shouted. At this, Legolas and Eowyn couldn't stand it.

"NO, NO, AND NO!" Eowyn screamed.

"You are the reincarnation of a yrch!" Legolas hissed. Faramir hid a laugh.

"Oh, this is going to be fun," he whispered.

* * *

Chapter 2 

"Tinuviel, Tinuviel…" Legolas muttered.

"Louder, Legolas," Faramir said. "And please act like you're in love. You didn't say that because you hated Luthien." Legolas casted Faramir an ugly look. "What, it's true!"

Eowyn pouted and muttered angrily. "My brother will see this!" She blurted out.

"My brother-in-law will laugh his head off," Faramir said idily. "To see my wife walk around like a beautiful Elf…when actually she is the fiercest woman in Rohan and Gondor."

Two scenes later….

"Woof woof!" a clumsy dog bounded on the stage, their motions rather uncoordinated.

Eowyn stared at the dog. "I'm supposed to get onto that thing!"

"We aren't things!" came Merry's indignant voice from under the smiling dog head. "We are hobbits, Halflings…."

Eowyn rolled her eyes. "Yes, whatever. But still? What if I break their back?"

"Honey, they are holding a chair that you are supposed to sit on," Faramir said gently.

"A chair? I'll still break their backs!" Eowyn said, horrified. Faramir sighed.

"Just get on it," Faramir yelled. "Merry, line?"

"Oh, taters…" Merry muttered.

* * *

"Farewell, Beren, son of Barahir," the dog fell limp and a sweaty hobbit came out.

"Merry!" Pippin yelled from within the dog. "You're supposed to wait until they carry you off stage! Remember, you are Huan and you just died!"

"Ah, of course!" Merry ducked back in. Legolas sighed. Technically, he didn't have a hand anymore, so they covered Legolas' hand in a flesh-colored cloth. Now it looked like his arm was slightly longer.

This was getting really exhausting.

* * *

The dog leapt up spectacularly against the hound of Morgoth and Merry tumbled out of the head. The head crumpled like ice cream in the sun.

"Pippin! You're supposed to grab onto my feet so I won't leave the head!" Merry yelled indignantly. Everyone moaned as Merry climbed back into the costume.

Legolas picked up his long blade that was supposed to be an imitation of Beren's sword and grunted. So clumsy! What would he give to have proper Elven blades!

Eowyn went off stage and Legolas was supposed to go find Tinuviel's father. "Oh Valar, save me." Legolas muttered before walking into the hideous forest.

* * *

Legolas sat on the chair. The handsome Elf looked like he was meditating, but really he was furious. One of Eowyn's maids was fixing up his hair. Today was the performance night.

His eyes were closed as the maid called Lady Anaya started to dye his hair and he was breathing slowly. "You have really nice hair," Anaya commented. Legolas' eyes flew open and he nearly stood up in fury, but he remained sitting down, his eyes flashing.

"It is thanks to the Lord Faramir that it shall be ruined," Legolas muttered.

"M'Lord, it can be washed out after the play," Legolas was breathing harder than an Elf should be sitting down.

"I do not care. This will be in front of the court of Gondor," Legolas said quietly.

"Oh well. It's life,"

"I'm not going to die! I'll have to remember this humiliation forever!" Legolas stood up, half of his hair brown. Anaya giggled.

"Stop! Just…finish it!" he collapsed back into his chair, glowering at his reflection.

* * *

Eowyn in the next room was glowering at her reflection. Her yellow hair was turning black and straighter. And she was not happy.

"Come on, Eowyn. It's all right!" Faramir encouraged.

"It's not, M'Lord," Eowyn said, agitated. "What about my brother?"

"Your brother will be very proud you acted," Faramir said comfortingly.

"Why didn't Queen Arwen be Luthien? She looks like it!"

"She must sit with King Elessar during his birthday," Faramir explained. Eowyn was muttering under her breath as her maid was dying her hair.

* * *

Chapter 3

Eomer sat down hesitantly near King Elessar. "Congratulations on your birthday, King Elessar,"

"Eomer!" Aragorn grinned. "The Steward of Gondor promised some highly…amusing acting. Well, the actors are even more amusing," Eomer forced a laugh before turning toward the stage.

Faramir said some pointless stuff congratulating Aragorn on his birthday and how hard the actors worked on the play. The curtains opened. Eomer gaped.

Wasn't that the Prince of Mirkwood? But his hair was brown and he looked like he would kill somebody with his gaze. His clothing was more like the Rangers of the North than the Elves of Mirkwood.

In the middle of stiff, potted trees, a maiden came out, her hair black and straight. Aragorn grinned and poked Eomer.

"Behold the Lady of Ithilien!" Aragorn said. Eomer buried his face into his hands and started laughing out loud.

"Oh Valar, that is not my sister!" Eomer forced out.

"Legolas…" Arwen was giggling into her dress. "He looks amazingly mad!"

"Do we have to listen to her sing?" Eomer asked, appalled.

"I think so…" Arwen muttered.

Eomer groaned miserably. "I trust that you haven't heard her sing in a bad mood?" Aragorn and Arwen froze.

"Oh….."

* * *

"Tinuviel, Tinuviel!" Legolas said loudly. Or at least he tried to without fainting over in embarrassment. Eowyn stopped, gave him a look of pure exhaustion, and fled.

"Valar, I'm supposed to faint?" Legolas muttered as he keeled over in a most un-elf-like way. Giggles echoed throughout the stage.

* * *

Legolas ran backstage hurriedly to see a red Gimli.

"Quick! Line!" Legolas hissed.

"Ah, Pointy-Ears, I haven't seen you this agiated since Helm's Deep!" Gimli said, tittering with laughter. Legolas muttered angrily, before stomping off.

* * *

Faramir, as narrator, said the last few lines and the cast came out. There was applause, but Legolas didn't hear it. He was trying to get off stage.

"M'Lord! You have to stay on stage! You're Beren!" Eowyn hissed.

"Not really!" Legolas hissed back. But he was forced anyways on stage, just in time to see Merry and Pippin fall out of their costume onto King Elessar and Queen Arwen's laps.

"Congratulations, Strider! For the Shire!" Merry yelled as Aragorn pushed him down.

"Taters!" Pippin cursed as he was nearly thrown back onstage by a highly embarrassed Arwen.

* * *

Aragorn came backstage, having a laughing fit. "Legolas! You were hilarious!" Leglolas gritted his teeth. Faramir came backstage as well.

"Your Majesty, I hoped you enjoyed the play," Faramir bowed.

"It was wonderful!" Aragorn beamed. "All the actors were funny! Incredibly funny! I haven't laughed so hard since Elladan threw mud into Arwen's face!" Arwen, behind Aragorn, blushed furiously.

"You all had acting skills that I never knew!" Aragorn said again. Legolas and Eowyn were turning purple in the face.

"Estel, are you aware about the humiliation and the pain we went through?" Legolas said in a low voice.

"I know, but it has raised you in the eyes of the Gondorian court," Aragorn said. "Not many would have the courage to be Luthien and Beren."

"I didn't have the courage," Legolas muttered. "I was forced to. Faramir, you are acting next time."

* * *

Legolas: You destroyed my hair!

Anaya: That was part of the reason I wrote this….

Eowyn: I'm your favorite character!

Anaya: I have to be mean to you at some time!

Aragorn: Really, that was the best amusement I had in a long time!

(Legolas and Eowyn draw out their swords)

Anaya: Running away! Read and review!


End file.
